I was so tired today I came home from work and went immediately to bed on Caroline's orders. (And BY THE WAY, it is spelled "Caroline" but her mother pronounces it "Carolyn." How messed up is that? I briefly made her call me Eileen. This is also why we're pronouncing New Guy Matt's baby boy Kyler's name "Killer." But I digress.)
So Gary got me out of bed at 7 in the evening and asked if I'd enjoyed my nap. What nap? I lay in bed all shaky and tremulous just like I was when I woke up at six this morning.
"I was trembly too!" Gary exclaimed, shocked, as if he didn't always echo every twitch and tic I have, and then raise me one spasm. Me: I feel bloated! Gary: (gasp) Me too! I had to let my belt out a notch. Me: I feel nauseated! Gary: (gasp) Me too! I feel like I'm going to vomit! (And BY THE WAY, Gary has never vomited due to his extra-long uvula resting since birth on his gag reflex. But. I digress. Might have to delete that. (pause) Neh.)
Gary clearly had to find some way we both could simultaneously (gasp!) have exactly the same symptoms. It only took a second before he intoned, a la A Christmas Story:
"We have - " (dramatic pause, and then he choked out -) "Caffeine Poisoning."
I laughed, "Hahahahaha." (Pause to realize he means it.) "HAH! HAHAHAHAAHA" (snort!) "HAHAHA!"
Gary insisted, "No, really! I'm serious. Check on the Internet and see how much caffeine it takes to get caffeine poisoning."
Well, five to ten cups a day, as it turns out. I keep telling him it drains out of your body when you urinate ("Gasp! I've been urinating a lot lately!") but he seems to think it causes permanent damage, so only decaf Starbuck's from now on.
Seriously. He is crazy. This is a cry for help.