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Becs

Thirteen days?!?! Girl, that is just not right. Eat broccoli. Eat apples and/or applesauce. Drink a lot of water. But thirteen days just scares me.

sue

This is tooo funny... and btw? Colin must have a twin 'cause he lives with me. *sigh*

Erin G.

AW. Good story! I echo Becs: "THIRTEEN DAYS???" That's painful to just...consider....let alone endure. I wish there was something that could be done about it -- sounds like you've tried all of "Nature's Pushbrooms" already! :(

Friend #3

I'm glad to see you've anthropomorphized your lower intestinal tract as you have done for your derriere. To give both Gladys and Colin more quality time together, I might suggest losing the Gulag diet and eating more fruit and vegetables or get Benefiber.

TheQueen

Becs - Yeah, I was a little surprised that thirteen days shocked the neurologist too. He knows people with MS don't "go," since the "go" nerve is one of the first to ... uh ... go. He said if its been more than eight days, do something about it. He didn't recommend food or Metamucil, he seemed to prefer more direct methods.
sue - Twin Colins! Separated at birth?
Erin G - Doesn't hurt at all. The "go" nerve must be the same nerve as the "I am so uncomfortable" nerve. Wakes up on Thursdays.
Friend #3 - You know, Gladys and Colin are pretty close already. Diana and Daphne, on the other hand, are just looking down on the whole thing with distaste.

As I am now. I am such a dirty girl, hoarding all my e-Coli. On the other hand, maybe this all began when Zayrini got me to keep my hands off the dirty sink faucets.

Connie

This is just too funny. I am putting together the next edition of the Disability Blog Carnival and in looking for humorous posts, I stumbled on "Colin". (The theme of this carnival is "Laughter, the Best Medicine")

http://kuusisto.typepad.com/planet_of_the_blind/2007/06/of_comedy_and_d.html

I'm delighted to have discovered your blog this way. It's wonderful! If you don't mind, I'd like to include your post in the Carnival. And now that I know there's a post about "Gladys" I'd love to read it too. Where might I find Gladys?

TheQueen

Connie - Hi! Carnival! Party On! Sure, you can use it. In response to "Where can I find Gladys" the answer might be "Right above my upper thigh," since Gladys is my ever-widening ass. She has grown into her own person and as such deserves a name. I work with Friend #3, and she knows that at work quite often Gladys will brush past something and knock it over, and we all sigh, "Oh, Gladys..."

Connie

"Oh, Gladys..." So I take it your readers haven't been formally introduced to Gladys by way of a tell-all post? Something to look for ward to perhaps?

Speaking of your readers, count us in! Pleased to meet you - we look forward to getting to know you!

TheQueen

Nope, unless Gladys does something dramatic like shrinking to half her size, she probably doesn't deserve a post. I'm looking forward to reading your blog too.

Zayrina

Man, you are one lucky wench, well, lucky with respect to "Colin" being a heavy sleeper. I don't want MS, but I need an off button.

I guess if I were going to name my large intestine I would call it "The Hulk" on account of it reacting to emotions.

The Hulk is quiet until I want to leave the house. Then he makes his presence known. Violently.

Can I have some of your drugs?

TheQueen

Trust me, Colin and I went through years of anguish before we hit on this arrangement. Colin would get carsick. I couldn't drive in the express lanes on the highway for years.

Does the Hulk turn green - never mind.

You want my drugs? Oh, baby, I still have ten of my Lotronex from the days when Colin was an insommniac. They banned it, we fought back, and they renamed it Alosteron. It is the best drug ever. Like a mood stabilizer for your belly.

Zayrina

Damnit Queen, now you have me naming all my organs, Penelope pancrease, Sally spleen, etc.

Thanks for adding a new dimension to my already consdierable weirdness.

sgazzetti

"...your work gets very rushed and sloppy"

You slay me.

judibleu

Whoa! You remain the hoot! You have mastered the art of beating around the bush, in so far as not mentioning the unmentionable! Yes, my little friend, "Brutus" is quite the active fellow, too. Better than the old days though, when stress was a contributing factor. If you want a more active routine, get yourself some more stress!Bad bosses, cranky husbands or strained relations with friends/relatives can all help.

Caroline

Thanks for sending your little buddy on my roadtrip with me last night. He was a most unwelcome travel companion. And worse, I later ate dinner with a 7yo boy named Collin and could not look him in the face, despite the fact that I have already selected him to be my future son-in-law.

TheQueen

Zayrina – Only a nurse would know enough about the spleen to name it. All I know about the spleen is that it makes black bile and is the seat of all anger.
sgazzetti – Snort. I was wondering if that was too subtle…
judibleu – Ah, Brutus the Traitor. Apropos!
Caroline - Okay, if it was pronounced “Kawl-in” like our dear friend Colin from work, then he can marry Rebecca. But…Colin like “Colon?” No.

Connie

I want you to know that my husband, a poet and professor of creative writing, thinks that your post about "Colin" is Mark Twain worthy. "It's brilliant" he says!

TheQueen

Connie - Oh, there's a sequel in there ... somewhere ... in there ... ew. Oh, and thanks for the fifty BILLION referrals!

cotton candy girl

My mind is like a fog. Oh well. My life's been really dull today. Eh. Today was a total loss. I've more or less been doing nothing , but I guess it doesn't bother me.

TheQueen

Cotton candy girl - why, you sound just like bible books Marden something. And you have a porn star email name! Sorry to see your website has been shut down.

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