So far the "placebo" has made me gain six pounds in two weeks. (Which makes sense. Sugar pill.) The real fear I have is that I will reach that horrible state in which I weigh more than my husband. I am beyond Spanx. I am enormous. And it doesn't really bother me, as long as I weigh less than Gary. Soon, though, he threatens to go on another Gary Diet of Fascism.
This diet was inspired by my introduction of Quisp to this house. I love Quisp. He ate some Quisp in a bowl and within hours was my Great-Aunt Carol who was 400 pounds because she snorfed down the Big Box of Cheerios as a snack in one sitting. Or vice versa.
Later that night, he said his neck hurt and blamed the Quisp. I didn't even question him. (Sometimes, just ... why?) The next day I emailed him and asked about his neck. His response:
"It is fine. Too many carbs. I am not used to so many carbs. I have fallen off the carb wagon and I can't get up. Did you know that there are 150 cals in one Lemon Girl Scout cookie and 40 cals in one Thin Mint cookie. Did you know that there are 400 cals in one cup of white flour. ONE CUP.
So, if the experimental drug adds three pounds a week, and if he loses three pounds a week, our weights will meet in one month. How many steaks per week do I have to bring into the house to delay the inevitable one year?