Gary has always had a very open appreciation for other women.
For example, we were in the CD section of Barnes and Noble. I was thumbing through the CDs and he was at the end of the aisle deafening himself on the CD-preview earphones.
A staffer wandered over and asked if I need help finding something. She was 25 and dressed in a snug sleeveless summer sweater, tight black jeans, and a low-slung studded leather belt.
I said, "No, I'm fine, but that man over there on the end might need some help." See me? See me pimp? I've always done that. Gary's always checked out other women, I might as well send them his way and benefit from the subsequent horniness.
So I lounged on the CD rack and watched as the 25 year old politely asked Gary if he needed some help.
"WHAT?" he roared. Then he took off the earphones.
It's always fun to watch Gary check women out, because he is so subtle. For example, he looked this women in the eye, smiled politely, then as she turned to go his eyes went: BOOBIES! THIGHS! ANKLES! CALVES! ASS! ASS! ASS! ASS WALKING AWAY! then YIKES WIFE! LOOKING AT ME! as she walked past me.
If quizzed he can always come up with some complaint, like, "Her feet were too big. Did you see them? Disgusting. Like Angelina Jolie's."
Now that Gary's getting a little older he has a stiff neck, so he can't use his patented turn-his-head-and-cough toward the woman-who-is-walking-away technique. Instead, he has to streeeeetch his eye muscles.
And he has streeeeeetched his eye muscles so severely that he is now seeing flashes of light because he has the beginnings of a detached retina.*
So see, it does make you go blind.
*It's just the very beginning. The opthamologist said he'd just need to start turning to face what he's looking at instead of peering out the corner of his eye. Snort.