Phone Sex

The Caller ID showed the same firm who had called three times a day the last week. I picked up and gave an annoyed "Hello?"

Silence. But at least not a hangup.

I repeated, "Helllloooooooo."

The caller said, "Hello? Hello?"

"yeesssssssssssssssssssssss."

"Is this Mrs - Skuh ... skuh .... skuh - mid -it?"

I am not kidding, she pronounced the "Sch" as in our American "schedule," then "mid," and then, oh no! she was left with the "t" at the end so she had to buy a vowel. I SWEAR WHO COULD NOT PRONOUNCE S______? And this was an American teenager, too, evidently from the Valley or somewhere the Germans hadn't migrated because MY GOD it's only the second most popular name in Germany.

"Yes," I answered.

"May I speak to Mr. Skuh-mid-it?"

I rolled my eyes and passed the phone to Gary, who was right at my elbow as he always is these days.

You could tell the woman launched right into a script, and I wondered how long it would take Gary to hang up on her. Gary paused a moment and began masturbating. Well, miming, that is, not really masturbating. He went up and down at first, then a little swinging the imaginary penis around from the base, then waaaaayyy up and waaaaayyy down, then he slapped it a little. I don't know what he did after that, I was hiding my head in the corner of the couch to stifle my laughter. Eventually he hung up, but he said "Thank you" first, and you could tell he really meant it.

Comments

[Lisa Emrich]

Love it!! Seriously, who doesn't know how to pronounce Schmidt. I'm sure that not many people who call the Chairman and CEO of Google trip on his name, Eric Emerson Schmidt.

And the mental/visual of Gary and his play toy were priceless.

[A. Skuh-mid-it]

Been reading your blog a while and find my blog stalking even more awesome since I'm a Skuh-mid-it too!! Thanks for all your posts :)

[TheQueen]

Lisa Emrich - Next time I get a chance I'm calling him "Mr. Skuh-mid-it," just to see if it turns him on.
A. Skuh-mid-it - (Hi, fellow Skuh-mid-it!) Skuh-mid-its rule!