In Which We Almost Kill the Queen Mother

The Queen Mother, you will be surprised to hear, contracted polio when she was 13. This was after the iron lung but before the polio vaccine. The polio affected her legs until college, and it affected her arms permanently. She has one good opposable hand on one arm and one good bendable elbow on another, and she soldiers on.  She creates cunning patent-pending assistive devices and adapts to any setback. (I just think it is so handy she had polio just to be a good role model for me when I got MS. Always thinking ahead.)

Anyway, she always joked the reduced ability in her arms made her compensate by developing uncanny strength in her legs. We called her "Mighty Leg" in my youth. She is much like a Tyrannosaurus Rex, all powerful legs and scrawny arms.

At any rate, we were in the car a few days ago and I hopped in to a fast food place, leaving her in the car. I came out five minutes later and was puzzled when I unlocked the door. "Huh," I thought, "I thought I left that unlocked."

Mom looked at me panting. "A gentle reminder," she said, "when you leave babies, dogs and mothers in the car in the 90 degree heat, CRACK A WINDOW."

She explained that when the guy parked next to us unlocked his car door with his remote keyless entry, it locked the car doors on our car. So she was trapped, she said.

She continued, "I was considering drinking my own urine."
"Ooo. Sorry." I said.
"I might have chewed off my foot, but I couldn't see what good that would do."

Then we began to speculate how she would have gotten out if the car had not been locked, since she can't operate the seat belt. I still think she could have kicked out the windshield with the Mighty Legs. Of course, then she would have just had her legs stuck in the windshield, but there would have been air.

Comments

[Queen Mother]

Gah. Filed under miscellaneous? No "In Which We Mock The Queen Mother" category? Sigh. And this post made me feel so special except for that.

[TheQueen]

Oh, keep trying. Remember you are competing with Gary and the In-Laws-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named for category status.

[Catherine]

I see this has become the inaugural post in the "In Which We Mock The Queen Mother" category. Heh.