Skeleton in the Closet Redux

So, back to Gary's closet Mormon relatives. Ended up he has another Aunt (Audrey) and it was her husband (a Mormon, a Mason, and a PhD) who died.

So, Gary was somehow elected to be in charge of sending flowers on behalf of his parents, sisters and himself. He's off work this week, so he took care of it and proudly told me about it when we went out to dinner.

"Well," he crowed, as pleased with himself as if he had just - I don't know - cleaned the HOUSE on his day off, "I got Aunt Audrey a fruit basket from Harry and David instead of flowers."

"That's nice," I chewed.

"And I put this great quote on the card. It's by William Penn. 'For death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity,'" he quoted verbatim.

"Lovely," I crunched.

"And then I put on the card, 'Have something to eat, you'll feel better,' and I signed it 'Love, the Ken S______ family.'"

"That sounds - What?" I choked.

"What?"

"Have something to EAT you'll FEEL BETTER?"

"Yeah. I thought a joke might, you know, cheer her up."

My mouth was open and my mouth was full and I did not care. I mean, why care about niceties like table manners when your husband has tarnished the reputations of his parents, his sisters, you, himself, all non-Mormons, all Missouri residents, and may I say all mankind? So, I am not dealing with it. If I see any of my in-laws and they say anything I'm going to say, "Aunt Audrey? No, Gary doesn't have an Aunt Audrey. I don't know what you're talking about."

Comments

[anon]

um.. .just curious. . .do you actually like your husband? i sort of feel sorry for him in some of these posts. how long have you been married?

[TheQueen]

Why, yes I do like him. We have been married for twenty-one years.

For positive posts about my husband, I refer you to:
http://mocklog.typepad.com/queen_mediocretia/2006/06/coitus_.html
and
http://mocklog.typepad.com/queen_mediocretia/2006/09/sometimes_gary_.html

I also like my in-laws, my dogs, my mom, each of whom has earned mockery at my hands.

And really, when a man puts "Have something to eat, you'll feel better" on the condolence card of a woman whose husband just died, you make fun of him or you fight with him. I elect to roll my eyes and not try to change him.

[anon]

thanks for answering. that was an honest question. i was sort of feeling sorry for you too if you were serious about some of the things you wrote. since i very obviously do not know you, i was just curious. sarcasm (and its intent) is hard to read esp via blog :)

[TheQueen]

You know, the same thing just happened to me at Sarcomical's site. I left a comment assuming she was serious and she wasn't. You would think that I should have assumed sarcasm, given that the blog is titled "Sarcomical," but that nuance escaped me.

(Besides, I love you for giving me an excuse to post the picture of me in my green shirt looking lovingly at Gary, because that photo is flattering. Yes. That photo. Is a good photo of me. Scary.)

[Caroline]

Well, I ate something earlier and I felt better. But then, my husband isn't dead. Huh.

I'm still cracking up at our Mormon co-worker's reaction when you told her that story.

[Marcia]

They may be closet Mormons, but with that note from Gary, are you sure he's not a closeted one of my tribe?