It appears that Becs, not satisfied with this list beginning with 10 (ten! TEN!) things you don't know about me, is looking for six weird things.
1. I had a very bad sunburn in high school, and as it healed I peeled off a 6x10 section of skin. I tacked it up on my bulletin board for at least a year.
2. Not only did I lop off Barbie's hair and dunk her upside down in red food coloring for a quickie dye job, I cut off her feet so she could stand. My Barbies did not require the silly plastic heels. My girls could stand comfortably barefoot. Except they had no feet. But they could at least stand on their own two ankles and converse naturally about Ken and Skipper.
3. I really like giving myself shots now. Not so much the first few years, but now it makes me feel competent.
4. When I was 15 or so, I began ovulating. I had no idea I was ovulating; I thought I'd been doing that the whole time I'd had my period (at least 4 years by then). I won't go into the details, but ovulating seemed to strongly resemble what I remembered happening during my first few periods (and believe me, I am sparing you from some powerful imagery here). Since it seemed I was having a whole new set of periods in addition to the regular ones, naturally I assumed that I had an extra uterus. (Don't judge. Not such a stretch considering I'd been born with an extra thumb.) At any rate, instead of asking Mom, I took it upon myself to hike down the street to the neighborhood Planned Parenthood and ask them to confirm my diagnosis. They tried to set me straight, but I was still pretty convinced my extra uterus hypothesis was more feasible than this weird "ovulation" theory of theirs. (As a coda, Mom, the County Supervisor for the government Unwed Mothers program advised me that I might not want to pop in and out of the Planned Parenthood office down the street anymore.)
5. When I make grilled cheese sandwiches, I don't butter the bread, but instead melt the butter in the pan and lay the bread on top of it.
(I know. Boring, you complain? Well, that's because Number Six is so perverted I want to give you a little boredom as a buffer.)
6. I could draw. And like, my heroine, Jane Eyre, I could draw from my imagination. About the age of ten or 11 the subject of my art was what I imagined people looked like having sex. I'm sure this is normal. I can imagine there have always been childish sketches of a man with an unnaturally long penis that bent like a Crazy Straw to get between the crotch of the naked woman standing at his side. Except, for some reason, I progressed from imagining sexual positions into thinking of the backstory, you know, how did those people get into those positions? So, I sketched out the machinery that must have been required for two people to get together. They were quite the Rube Goldberg devices, with giant wheels and sliding trays and ramps and such. Because God knows two people couldn't just be expected to walk up to each other and connect their body parts in that way without special assistance of some kind. Sadly for the sake of human sexuality, my inventions were always torn into the trash. I don't think my parents ever got their hands on any of my artwork, and if they did I do NOT want to know.
Girl, I'm with you all the way on No. 5. I am also fond of a dill pickle with my grilled cheese sangwiches.
Posted by: Becs | February 21, 2007 at 04:41 AM
I am SO gonna try that grilled cheese method. Buttering the bread is so tedious.
Posted by: robin / koda / thumper | February 21, 2007 at 07:21 AM
Ohhh, these are pretty weird. The skin thing is yukky. But then again, you haven't read my weird things.
Posted by: Rhea | February 21, 2007 at 08:26 AM
Ohhh, these are pretty weird. The skin thing is yukky. But then again, you haven't read my weird things.
Posted by: Rhea | February 21, 2007 at 08:26 AM
Maybe they should have had you illustrate the "Joy of Sex" books. Hey, kids, see if you can do this position!
Posted by: KC | February 21, 2007 at 10:45 AM
No, Rhea, but I've read your Weird category, and I got all excited about the faux sushi! Unfortunately I realized I can't serve Plastic Sushi at the Foods in Disguise Tea Party. If only there was marzipan sushi or something like that out there.
KC - hey! Were you hiding in my closet on Valentines Day? Pretty suspiscious that the first time I haul out Joy of Sex in twenty-plus years it a) disintegrates in my hands and b)you mention it less that a week later. Hmmmm.
Posted by: TheQueen | February 22, 2007 at 12:12 AM
My feet ARE pretty!!! So there!
Actually, it wasn't the grilled cheese, although you're actually serving fried cheese sandwiches, it was the doll. You know what they say about people who torture animals or mutilate dolls in childhood. Are there any unsolved serial murders in your vicinity? Hmmm?
Posted by: ~~Silk | February 22, 2007 at 11:49 AM
Loving that list, particularly number 6. I used to get told off stinking by my art tutor for constantly drawing from imagination. Well duh? The real world is rubbish, why not just tap into your brain and draw what's in there instead :)
Peej
x
Posted by: PeeJ | February 23, 2007 at 09:52 AM
Hmm, my art teacher encuraged us to use our imagination. I shaded a muscle on one of my figure drawing subjects who did not have that muscle defined (doubtless because of his heroin use). MY teacher quizzed me on why i drew that in and I said, "It seemed like it should be there." He accepted that.
Posted by: TheQueen | February 25, 2007 at 09:19 AM