Okay, I'm about to attempt the impossible: writing an account of an evening you had to be there to appreciate.
I was at Catherine the Red's last night, with her friend "Lisa." Lisa is a natural mimic. I shrieked, "Do me! Do me!" Lisa immediately messed up her hair.
Lisa relieves the stress of her job by talking to the "Pebble People." She has an assortment of pebbles on her desk with faces drawn on them, and at random moments she'll bring two pebbles up to her ears. She lends her voice to the pebbles. The Pebble People sound like Butters from South Park.
(For those of you, MOM, who haven't heard Butters, click the play arrow: )
She demonstrated the ways of the Pebble People using bottlecaps, because their appeal is in what they say, not how they look. Imagine Butters muttering a relentless stream of abuse. So Lisa evidently sits at work with pebbles at her ears, muttering sweetly, "you're so %$#*-ing stupid you're so fat and you complain about being fat and you just eat and eat and get fatter and no one lissens to you cause you think you're so $%#*-ing smart mebbe if you'd stop talking once in a while someone would say 'hey, stoopid, shaddup you moron' and then you'd stop talking and people could lissen to you, 'scept you wouldn't, cause you're a big dummy. And you're fat."
Oh, did I mention this woman works with the mentally ill?
So Catherine and I were laughing by the end of this, and then Lisa came over to me with the bottlecaps and repeated to me everything I'd said during the "serious" part of the evening, about work, and Gary, and health insurance, such as "you're so stupid, and no wonder your husband doesn't want you on his insurance you stoopid cripple, cuz you're gonna die, and you're gonna weigh 300 pounds and he can't carry you around the house you fat pig" and by then I wet my pants JUST a LITTLE. I suppose the look on my face gave it away because the bottle cap said "oh, and you just wet yourself, cause you're gross, that's what you are, you stoopid cripple."
That's when I heard Catherine start wheezing because she was laughing so hard. I was about to ask if she needed her asthma inhaler, but I was choking. I didn't ask, even though Catherine could have died (cuz she's a stoopid asthmatic and is too stoopid to &^#% breathe). About then I began wheezing too, like a little old man, you stoopid ^%$#-ing cow.
Yeah. So. Laughing? Wheezing? No? Guess you did have to be there.