Some of you may recall that Gary's Virtually Unknown and Surprisingly Mormon Uncle died this past year. Gary didn't know him that well. He sent his Aunt (Ken's sister) a fruit basket with a thoughtful note: "Have something to eat, you'll feel better." (I swear this is true.)
The healthy fruit did not make her feel better and she died, ironically, of colon cancer four months later.
I know I sound heartless but Gary didn't have a close relationship with these people (as evidenced by the fact he wasn't clear on the man's name.) Here is the astonishing part: Mormon Uncle and Newly deceased Mormon Aunt? Had no children. Gary thought they did, but he was wrong.
So. Aunt and Uncle have died childless. This happened a few months ago, and Gary came home one day from his parents saying that they saying his Dad and surviving sister were going to split the "Estate."
"Estate!" I snorted, "What did he do?"
"He was a college professor."
"Oh, so that would be ... hmmmm... two grand split two ways?"
"No, he had a PhD. He wrote books!"
"So half a grand split two ways?" I mocked, because that's how I am. Gary's family is Lower Middle Class, and I am Upper Middle Class. This is just a statement of fact. That's how our family dynamic is.
Of course, the last few months I have had many opportunities to roll my eyes about the S______ Estate. Ken decided to take his half and split it into quarters, with one part for him and one part each for his three kids. "Hmm, so $500 split four ways..."
In fact, it was so inconsequential I didn't even blog it. I figured I would wait until the will came and then I'd have a great ending for a post. "Stupid in-laws! Getting all excited about an estate of ..."
Uh... what does that will say? Can I see that again?
Imagine a VERY Big Number. Big. So big it would be tasteless to enter it into a blog post. Now double it. Two of them. Ken gets one.
The first thing Gary said was (after the Profanities of Delight, very non-LDS of him) "I could invest in Gold." People, I swear to you just this weekend Mom said to me: "Don't listen to people who tell you to invest in gold." I told this to Gary. "Oh, come on," Gary scoffed. "Gold is a great investment." "Mom?" I said to the ceiling, "Mom, I can just hear you!" I pointed at my head. "I can hear her in my head, telling me not to listen to you." I tried to tell him, Mom. Oh, and Mom? That suggestion we keep separate bank accounts? Not such a good idea now.
SO, I unjustly ridiculed my in-laws for counting the golden geese before they were hatched. I am an asssssssss. Feel free to ridicule me.
Gary has already begun to mock me.
Money changes everyone.