(Previously on The Story of New Guy:
Hot Young Coworker: "Everybody! Quit staring at my freaking BBBOOOOOOOOOOBBBBS!"
New Guy stands about looking Reticent and Helpless.)
On the first day of his second week, New Guy decides he'd better get going if he intends to get fired before his benefits kick in. Strangely, he spends a morning transferring his prescriptions to Saint Louis, as if he thinks he'll be keeping this job.
On this fine day, he had a number of inappropriate exchanges.
Exchange with Co-Worker My Age
He makes a weak and deeply awkward joke about Co-W.M.A's name, involving the word "Nipple.'" Her nickname is "Giggles." He says, "Why don't they call you Giggle Nipple?" Yes. It was that lame. Co-worker My Age gave him the ultimate snake eye, the python of all snake eyes. She visited the bosses office and related this exchange. The Middle-Management Boss Lady suggested she announce, "You have offended me" next time she is offended, because the Snake Eye cannot be quoted in a hearing.
Exchange With Hot Mom
It seems at the end of the previous Friday, New Guy had asked Hot Mom what route she takes to go home, and when she plans to leave. He doesn't live near her. After New Guy makes his Nipple quip to Co-W.M.A., Hot Mom pays an impromptu visit to the bosses office as well. Boss reinforces that "You have offended me" should be the word of the day.
Exchange with Hot Young Co-Worker
He IMs Hot Young Co-worker to tell her how nice her thighs are, and how tight her ass is. She IMs back: "Get to work." She doesn't visit the Boss, because she doesn't feel threatened. In fact, no one is threatened, just creeped out. We warned H.Y.C. that New Guy is causing a run on the bosses office, and that "You have offended me" is preferable to "Hey, everybody, check out what Professor Perv just said to me!" (Professor Perv nickname courtesy of Co-W.M.A.)
Exchange with Me
(this space intentionally left blank.)
He didn't say anything to me. I showed up at work late. I had planned to work from home but technology intervened. I would have bent the technology to my will but Co-Worker My Age sent me an IM saying: "Shower up, Musty." (When I got in I forced her to smell me.)
Then, because I am a follower, I paid an impromptu visit to the boss. I'd heard the Nipple story and decided Boss needs the dirt I have on New Guy's sexual-harassment history at his last job. I revealed to the Boss the whole story: a) I had been ogling Hot Young Co-worker at the meeting, b) she reacted, c) I apologized the Creepy New Guy, d) he confessed his sexual-harassment history.
Now, Boss is not above inappropriate humor. She has been known to join in with, and one-up on, the indelicate talk. Again, "You are making me uncomfortable." is her advice. I already know this advice has flaws. For example, I was twenty-something and a guy at work was actually making me uncomfortable. I said, "That type of talk bothers me." He replied, "So, does it bother you that my dick is hard right now?" And that's when Karl got the full force of my mighty silent treatment. I didn't go to HR - we didn't have an HR department, and, my children, it was before Anita Hill. Anita Hill, children, was ... oh, never mind. It was the Dark Ages.
Discussion Questions: Initially, everything New Guy has said has just been borderline creepy. For example, before I met him he sent an email asking if I was his mentor or maybe...his Taskmistress. I emailed back "I prefer Taskassistant" and let it go at that. But you can't go to the Boss with "He called me a Taskmistress!" (Actually, I just tromped in there because I'm a gossip.) You can go to the Boss with "He said I had a nice tight ass," but what if you prefer to deal with it on your own? What if you aren't really threatened, because like H.Y.C., you are a brass-balled half-man hermaphrodite? Should you alert the Boss to protect shyer, more delicate flowers?