Bathroom Dogs and Bedroom Dogs

This post is interactive. This post is also mildly pornographic. Mildly. At the end, I will call for comments, and due to the intimate nature of this topic, I encourage you to leave the name, email, and url fields blank. Don't want to embarrass anyone or discourage strangers. Here goes:

The one cute trick we have taught our dog is how to warble. It began when we were singing the Garyoke along with "Back in Black," and the dog chimed in with howls. Hysterical! We sang nothing but "Back in Black" for a week. Then Mac was all, "Yeah, that joke is old. I'm not your trained monkey," and he stopped.

Still that taught us he has a singing voice, and we started to train him to use it. We'd come home, and if he welcomed us with a little warbling sound we'd try to imitate him. Now we can get him to howl almost on command, as long as we make warbling sounds, then he warbles, then he howls, then we howl. Fun.

So. This has become an issue now that we're letting the dog stay in the bedroom when we have sex.

Yes.

(For the one or two of you who actually are 14-year old boys who got here looking for "toe porn," I'll spell it our for you: We make noise, the dog makes noise. Like, the same noise. Well, he tries. Neither of us "announce," if you will, so Mac can actually try to warble along with us, or whoever happens to be warbling or howling at the moment. The. Moment.)

And, yes, it is distracting, but it doesn't bother me. It isn't as distracting as having the dog claw at the door or the bed or destroy whatever obstacle separates us by blasting it with the sound waves from his penetrating glass-breaking bark.

So, even though it's a little inappropriate to have the dog mock your lovemaking while he shares your bed, Gary claims it is even worse to have the dog share your bathroom when you are eliminating. Usually the dog will give us our space, but if there's a thunderstorm, he's all in there, and I let him join me because I generally can't take the time to hustle the dog out.  Gary feels strongly the bathroom is the Holy of Holies and no dogs Shalt Enter There. Also, no wives (fine by me), no Moms or Dads (some have felt observation is the best way to potty-train), and definitely no Chuck Berry (see here for details if you are confused by that ).

So, what are your views? Dogs allowed in bath but not in bed? Bed but not bath? Bed, bath and beyond?

Comments

[Becs]

In my first apartment, I couldn't completely close the bathroom door. One night while I was in the bath, one of the kittens got in and fell in on top of me.

Cats were kept out of the bedroom when more intimate moments occurred but one managed to sneak in and sprang on the bed, landing claws-out on Xman's butt. He squealed like a little girl and I laughed so hard all activities ceased.

Ah, the good old days...

[Zayrina]

Dog is allowed to lie anywhere it wants. Actually she won't sleep in the bed due to the hissing noise John's mask makes which seems to remind her of the "evil can of hiss" we use in the car to prevent her from clawing the car windows out everytime a motorcycle goes by.

She is not allowed any participation in the sex act, singing. watching or otherwise, and we don't even have to close the bedroom door.

Good dog.

Good dog

[sue]

I'm sorry... I'm laughing too hard to voice an opinion...

[Melissa]

We put the cats out of the bedroom while we are having sex. They all go nuts trying to get in, but it's better than having them in there, watching us, and probably critiquing our techniques.

[Erin G.]

Cat out of the bedroom, for sure. Unfortunately, my bathroom door doesn't close all the way either (ah, the perils of a pre-war apartment!) so the cat feels it is his Most Important Job to come in to supervise all matters of grooming and what-not. I would prefer if he didn't, but apparently my opinion doesn't matter.

[Sherri]

When we had the dog, she was always present during sex, as her crate was in the bedroom (only place with space big enough -- large dog). She kept her commentary to herself.

The cats, on the other hand, will cling stubbornly to the bed. They don't want to watch. They don't want to judge. They just want their space on the bed. However, if we wiggle and kick enough, they head for the couch.

However, we have had cats sit on the nightstand with bored, slightly disgusted expressions. While we know this was because they wanted to lie on the bed, it looked for all the world as if they were upset for not having thumbs to hold up the score cards.

And, because we have the doorless bathroom, the cats consider any moment spent on the toilet to be prime getting pet time. I mean, you're JUST SITTING THERE. Pet the damn cat! This goes for the multi-doored bathroom, too. Otherwise, there is destruction. Someone will also want water from the sink.

I exist for the convenience of my pets, ya know.

[Tracy27]

Thankfully, the 75-lb slab of canine that used to sleep on the floor near our bed usually ignored our bedroom antics entirely. However, I guess one night our performance was uncommonly inspiring, because we noticed a small commotion on the floor nearby, which turned out to be the dog getting her hump on with a bed pillow. It was just too much to keep going while being paced like that...

Bathroom was never an issue; I think our dog was more embarrassed to see us go than we were to be seen.

[TheQueen]

Becs – Ha! Good story. It has cats, sex, and a humbled Xman .
Zayrina – Damn. I envy you your dog. Bet she can’t sing, though.
sue – As always, heartlessly laughing at my pain …
Melissa – And you have four cats! I think four cats would push me over my limit.
Erin G. – Well, your cat has herpes. (That still cracks me up.)
Sherri – I think if a cat jumped on my lap in the commode I could not resist the urge to suddenly open my legs wide and dunk her.
Tracy27 – I don’t think I could go on after inspiring a dog to hump a pillow, either. But that might explain why the dog keeps defecating in the house; he keeps seeing us go into the bathroom.

[Hot Mom]

Our 100+-pound mutt used to try to climb between us during sex. She was put outside the room for safety reasons. We rent, so it's not like we really need to worry too much about the doors.

Bathroom? Bah. Everyone pees (and poops). I think I have a kids' book about it if Gary needs to borrow it sometime.

[snowy]

i let my pets into the bathroom with me whenever they like. humans, however, are loudly encouraged to allow a private moment should any #2's be forthcoming.

[TheQueen]

Hot Mom - Is there anything in that book about glancing at the poo? Gary refuses to do that even if he is entirely alone in the house. After a certain age, it's a good idea.
snowy - Hi! How? "I need a moment here, people! Number 2 on its way!" Or just a quiet, "Do you mind, mon cher?"

[Caroline]

Glancing at poo? My BIL's family has been known to photograph it.

[snowy]

In our house we have but one bathroom. So it's usually common to make a pre-bathroom request such as "Might I have a private moment?" or something of similar ilk.

[TheQueen]

Caroline - I don;t know why your tale of competitive pooping is so strange to me: my family photographs and massive bruises.
snowy - God, that would be so lovely. Gary looks for something to read, and then tells me it's because -- well, you know why.