I visited Steve the Pricey Hairstylist again.
Again, Steve tried to massage my head. Luckily, he asked this time instead of rubbing relentlessly on my protruding skull bones. "No, thanks, just a regular shampoo." Perhaps if anyone had offered me wine my defenses might have been down and I would have been game. 'Ho that I am.
So, while Steve was shampooing me, I compared his professional shampoo technique to my amateur technique. I go under the shower, dump shampoo into hand, rub shampoo with a flat palm onto my head. Then, using my nails I claw it through my hair and rub it around. Rinse. Repeat.HAhahaha. No, I don't repeat. Does anyone repeat, really? Steve didn't repeat, and he's a pro.
The thing that struck me was that instead of long clawing strokes followed by mushing, Steve took his fingers and scritched all over my head. He scritched with his nails as if I had a Walmart gift sticker adhered to my scalp. After forty-five minutes of scritching I began to wonder if this was entirely necessary.
(Well, five minutes of scritching. My clawing and mushing technique takes seconds, but I got the idea he had my scalp mapped out on a grid and he had to scritch equally in all areas. It did take longer then the usual shampoo.)
Steve finished. I wanted to ask him if he took that much care with his hair at home, you know, all the equally distributed scritching.
"Hey, Steve -" I began.
"Okay, dry off," he said, and handed me a towel.
I dried off. "Okay, so tell me, at home -- " I began again.
"Did I get your smock wet?"
"No --"
"Follow me, then," and he led me back to the station.
By the time we wound our way past all the freaking waterfalls they have in this place, I was sure I'd forget my question if I didn't ask. As I sat down, I blurted:
"So Steve, do you do that in the shower at home?"
"Do what?"
"Do you do it that way at home?"
(Huh, I thought, Steve looks puzzled. Obviously I am not communicating well. Don't say 'scritching,' because that isn't a real word, and he won't know what you mean.)
"You know, the rubbing, with your hands. In the shower. Not the massage, not that. I mean I know you don't massage yourself at home in the shower. But, you know the...the..." I made random gestures in the air with my hands. They were probably regrettable gestures.
Steve looked concerned. "I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean."
I knew I was in trouble after the "self-shower-massage" suggestion. I decided to Stop. Talking. I waved my arms upward and pantomimed Stan Laurel scratching the top of his head. With both hands. Like Stan Laurel. Or, alternatively, a chimpanzee.
Steve said, "Ooooooohhhhhhh. It's important you exfoliate your scalp. But no, I don't do that every day in the shower myself."
So. "Exfoliation" is my new code word for tugging one off in the shower.
WHAT are you doing to MY stylist??
Posted by: Friend #3 | August 02, 2007 at 05:53 PM
Oh! You were just there Monday. Did they offer you wine? I was offered water, juice, etc., but no wine. TWICE.
Posted by: TheQueen | August 02, 2007 at 06:02 PM
Maybe there's an air of "give me alcohol at your own peril" about you. They just don't know how frickin' hilarious you are when you drink. When he asks, just say do you have wine? But please refrain from asking for proper garlic bread.
Posted by: Friend #3 | August 02, 2007 at 06:31 PM
My stylist didn't scritch me. Hmmm.
I'm starting to think I over-tipped.
All of the style magazines I read in high school said that you should never scratch at your scalp; you should gently rub with your fingertips.
How do you manage to go from hairwashing technique to shower-masturbation in the walk from the wash basin to the chair?
Posted by: Hot Mom | August 02, 2007 at 09:51 PM
THAT.WAS.AWESOME.
Posted by: Autumn | August 03, 2007 at 09:36 AM
He told YOU to dry off? Hmmm... my hairstylist always dries me off. Am I missing something?
Posted by: sue | August 03, 2007 at 01:23 PM
I tried scritching my scalp in the shower this morning, until I remembered I was going to be late for work. It felt a little aggressive - I think I'll have to side with Hot Mom's style magazines.
Posted by: TasterSpoon | August 03, 2007 at 01:37 PM
Friend #3 - Asking for wine seemed greedy. Besides, I don’t get drunk on wine, I just choke it down because it makes me feel elegant. And it’s what we ladies do at the west county spa.
Hot Mom – Listen, if I could have used the word “scritch” we would have had quite a clear conversation about it. There would have been no confusion. I could have said “Do you massage your head with your fingertips. Except that sounds dirty too.
Autumn – THAT.WAS.EMBARRASSING. I almost blushed at the time.
sue – Well, I think it’s because my first time there I grabbed the towel from him and took care of it myself.
TasterSpoon – My Autopilot is on until 9 or 10, so I don’t remember what I did in the shower today. Did I scritch? Probably not.
Posted by: TheQueen | August 03, 2007 at 05:39 PM
Oh, so you are one of those TAKE CHARGE kinda women, huh?
Posted by: sue | August 06, 2007 at 09:33 AM
Well, he takes so long!
Posted by: TheQueen | August 06, 2007 at 07:32 PM
I just read this since you linked to it in today's post. I actually laughed. out. loud. I know people say LOL a lot, but this was a loud, barking laugh that drew attention from two of my (newish) co-workers. I had to make up something to tell them. I don't know them well enough to discuss tugging one off in the shower with them.
Posted by: Trisha | October 31, 2007 at 12:00 PM
Trisha - I need to incorporate "tugging one off" into my daily conversations with my coworkers too.
Posted by: TheQueen | October 31, 2007 at 11:06 PM