Much has been said about how we can be more environmentally conscious. I have realized that I could buy a Hummer to drive down the hall to my kitchen every morning and still have a smaller carbon footprint than most.
I have done this by conserving my eggs. As a childless person, I have done more than my part to conserve our resources. And not just because of the lack of used disposable diapers, no, but because your children, and someday their children's children, will be out there warming the globe.
Even if you live off the grid and feed your babies raw hemp my carbon footprint is still petite in comparison to the generations of progeny you will have: greens-chewing, clothes-wearing, resource-suckers that they are and will ever be.
So, sure, tell me you drive an electric car, not for your children's generation, but for your children's children's generation. But ha! Bow to me! My lack of grandkids just makes that much more water and food for your grandkids to consume.
So. I'm going to eat a baby seal for dinner tonight.
I win.
Posted by: Friend #3 | August 07, 2007 at 09:36 PM
I didn't do the kid thing either, so I keep my AC at 68, guilt free.
Posted by: Zayrina | August 07, 2007 at 11:21 PM
Does this mean I can stop feeding my boys the raw hemp? They're pretty fed up with it.
Posted by: sgazzetti | August 08, 2007 at 02:53 AM
Hub and I are kid-free too, but that means we can keep the ac at 79 without hearing "it's too hot!" AC makes my joints ache...
Posted by: pageycooks | August 08, 2007 at 06:50 AM
May I buy your carbon credits?
Posted by: Caroline | August 08, 2007 at 09:16 AM
No kids for me, either. That woman in Penciltucky, (you know the one with 17 kids?), has made up for all of us! Thank her very much.
Posted by: judith | August 08, 2007 at 09:46 AM
Have you ever tired bald eagle? Man, that's a tasty bird.
Nice post. :)
Posted by: ajooja | August 08, 2007 at 11:19 AM
I guess that means as a mother of four I owe ya, huh? Big. Time.
Posted by: sue | August 08, 2007 at 01:35 PM
Now I can add another great reason to the (very) long list of why I have chosen not to have kids. The next time any of my nosy friends and family pester me about my lack of children, I'll zing 'em with carbon footprints!
Awesome!
Posted by: Faythe | August 08, 2007 at 01:36 PM
Your selfishness and arrogance never cease to amaze me. Resource-sucking cow. You (again) think you are cool but you have missed the mark as usual. I do suppose however that since you neither clean your house nor wash your clothes (especially your pajamas) you do indeed use less resources by default. How gross is that? Oh wait-I know how gross, gross enough to cause Al Gore to regret creating the internet because now people like you blog gross, disgusting things.
Posted by: Troll | August 08, 2007 at 02:21 PM
Who is Troll?? And what got stuck up his/her bum? I *LOVE* your blog. You just need to know that you are entertaining the hearts of millions...or rather tens of millions...or tens of tens...whatever;)
Posted by: Autumn | August 08, 2007 at 02:40 PM
While I agree that washing your pjs every now and then will add less strain on our ecohydraulics than washing my kids clothes, I look at my kids as an investment in the future rather than a drain on it.
Who the heck do you think is going to be funding my Social Security checks? My kids, that's who.
Who'll be there to fund your's?
Posted by: Hot Mom | August 08, 2007 at 04:02 PM
Your kids will just have to work three times as hard. I didn't have any brats, er, little precious darlings, and don't regret it a bit.
Posted by: Becs | August 08, 2007 at 05:14 PM
Friend #3 – Okay, you have the electric car (NOW) and are childless, but my husband is Catholic. Just think about that.
Zayrina – Good for you! We need stickers.
Sgazetti – No. All raw hemp and natural fiber clothing for them.
pageycooks – (Hi!) Okay, you get your payback in winter when you waste natural gas. Crank it up!
Caroline – No. Well, maybe. You can be my carbon credit bitch.
judith – Oh, I know! Picking up the slack for all of us.
ajooja – I like a casserole of spotted owl and bald eagle. Mmmm.
sue – Oh, yeah. Four! Soooo wasteful!
Faythe – Yep. And then chase them down with an SUV. Maybe you can get Friend #3’s used SUV.
Troll – Excellent point, Troll! I am conserving water.
Autumn – Shhh…that type of talk just provokes the Troll …
Hot Mom – Sorry, but what do your kids contribute to the planet? Besides carbon dioxide for the trees? Are you recycling their poo? Troll, are you listening to this?
Becs – Ha! Good comeback! Besides, Hot Mom is living in a fantasy world. As if there will be Social Security in 20 years.
Posted by: TheQueen | August 08, 2007 at 11:27 PM
Troll (and EVERYONE else out there who has been misled about his), Al Gore NEVER said he invented the Internet. Never. Nope. Never did. NOT EVER. Didn't happen.
August 1, 2004, issue of The Washington Post Magazine: "For the record, Gore never claimed to have invented the Internet, rather that he 'took the initiative in creating the Internet' while in Congress."
Fact: Al Gore introduced legislation in Congress that did indeed spur the creation of the Internet. He NEVER claimed to have invented it. Ever.
Never.
And on a personal note, Troll: who peed in your Cheerios?
Posted by: Meriwether Lewis | August 08, 2007 at 11:32 PM
But it's so much fun to talk about how Al Gore invented the internet.
Posted by: Christy | August 09, 2007 at 08:59 AM
Dear Meriwether Lewis,
It's not nice to barge in on someonelse's conversation. I believe I was speaking to the Queen, not to your sorry %$#. Do you really think people still a) believe Al Gore acutally claimed to have invented the internet and b)believe he did? Can't we use this pop culture joke once in a while?Don't you know the internet started out as a DOD ARPANET project for military purposes and evolved into the internet we see today? What kind of computer geek are you? Oh wait-I know what kind, the kind that thinks he is smarter than anyone else and has the right to go around correcting people in an unneccessarily adamant self-righteous fashion.
And, BTW...don't get personal with me, you've not earned such a privelege.
Posted by: Troll | August 09, 2007 at 12:53 PM
Troll, seems now it's OUR conversation. Heh.
In answer to your first questions, yes and yes, respectively. Why? An intellectually incurious electorate.
In answer to your third about ARPANET, yes, I knew that too.
In answer to your fourth question, what makes you think I'm a computer geek? Because I frequent this blog?
Re: earning the privilege to get personal with you, whatcha doin' Saturday night, Hot Stuff? I like my trolls saucy. ;-)
Posted by: Meriwether Lewis | August 09, 2007 at 02:07 PM
Troll and Meriwether Lewis - oh, just make out already.
Christy - It's fun. I agree. I thank Al Gore every day for iTunes and YouTube.
Posted by: TheQueen | August 09, 2007 at 10:22 PM
Queenie, my brats, er, precious darlings, are adding untold happiness and joy to the world. With Bear leaning toward the whole Mad Scientist thing, in 30 years we may not have to be concerned about carbon footprints ever again.
Posted by: Hot Mom | August 10, 2007 at 09:05 AM