I am brave when it comes to basic medical procedures. I can give myself a shot with nonchalance. I am insouciant as the nurse draws blood. I fall asleep in the MRI machine. I want my doctor to give me an epi-pen so I can keep taking Copaxone. Doctor devices don't scare me.
Dental devices scare me. I cry at the dentist.
Well, to be fair, I haven't cried at the dentist for a few years. And I no longer require nitrous if I'm just getting a cleaning. I've found if I crank up the iPod and wring my hands I can get through it. I also rub my feet against each other like a giant praying mantis. Or, alternatively, like gay senators in an airport bathroom.
Today, I decided I might need to slam back some Grand Marnier before my next dental appointment, because I need to relax. I can tell I need to relax because I appear to have developed such superhuman strength in my lower lip that it could toss my dental assistant across the room. I tried to relax my lip, she begged me to relax my lip, she gave up on relaxing me and just tried to pull my lip off my face. But my lip sneered "back off!" and won that wrestling contest.
She got back at me, though, because I got a tongue-lashing about how I'm going to develop periodontal disease. And no only that, but Gary and I could be passing periodontal disease between us.
"Gross!" I cried, "Like...when we kiss?"
"Yes," she said solemnly, "you could be infecting each other." Then she told me my old silver fillings might start picking up radio transmissions if I didn't replace them.
Anyway, I repelled by this idea of periodontis as a venereal disease. Time to overcome my fear of floss.
nothing says love like a communicable disease!
Posted by: snowy | September 05, 2007 at 06:19 AM
Your hygienist is a bitch. There. I said it.
Posted by: Caroline | September 05, 2007 at 08:47 AM
I'm glad I'm not the only one. Medical things? No problem... Dentist? Yikes. Now you've reminded me I should be making an appointment. Thanks. Thanks a lot. *sigh*
Posted by: sue | September 05, 2007 at 09:30 AM
There's just something about being at the dentist's office that makes you uneasy...I realized this just this morning when I had to go for my cleaning. I didn't think I was worried or stressed about it until the hygenist took my blood pressure and said, "Well that's a little high...probably because you're sitting in our chair." Uhhhh thanks??? Is THAT supposed to make me less stressed?!?!?
Posted by: Autumn | September 05, 2007 at 03:30 PM
http://www.reachaccess.com/home.html
This is my flossing friend. When I last went to the dentist, despite my cavities, they said my gums looked excellent.
And getting the radio in your mouth might be cool. Especially if you could use it to communicate with other filling-carriers.
Posted by: Erin | September 05, 2007 at 05:32 PM
Snowy - That's true. Like "All that summer we shared a cold," in that one song.
Caroline - Well, she was a little crankier than usual. Of course, my lower lip just bitch-slapped her.
Sue - Ha. I share my pain with you.
Autumn - And you know, I used to think it was the sound of metal scraping on my teeth, but now they use that high-pressure jet of screaming water. At least I can drown out the metal with my iPod.
Erin - I dunno - if I were to follow the hygenist's directions I'd have to put on a new head for every tooth. She feels you must always have a new dry bit of floss for every tooth. Then again, as Caroline said, she's a bitch. I think I will look for this. Thanks!
Posted by: TheQueen | September 05, 2007 at 10:02 PM
Thanks for the reminder - I need to get my teeth cleaned. The new dentist needs to prove his mettle. Old fired dentist can suck mah indicator ballz.
Posted by: Friend #3 | September 05, 2007 at 11:24 PM
I don't think I've ever had a hygienist take my blood pressure before a cleaning. Am I missing out on an important step?
My hygienist (who I really like) told me I should floss *without* looking into a mirror because when you see yourself doing it, you consciously don't bring the floss down low enough between your teeth or something. My initial response? "But I can't see what I'm doing! How am I supposed to keep track of where I've flossed if I'm not looking in a mirror?!"
I still floss my way, by the way.
Posted by: Catherine | September 05, 2007 at 11:25 PM
Friend #3 - Yeah, I bet new dentist will be hitting you up for procedures at the same rate as old dentist. I'm supposed to get four crowns now. Not doing it.
Catherine - I never watch myself floss. I can tell where I am by the pain and itching.
Posted by: TheQueen | September 06, 2007 at 10:41 PM