Whew, I get to skip Sue's question about what I look like. I was going to answer honestly and everything! With photos that aren't 25 years old. But then Sara said everything perfectly here. So, I'll answer Zayrina right now, and discuss who drives whom the craziest.
I asked Gary. "Gary, do I drive you crazy? In any way?"
He pondered, then, "Nope. You're okay. You don't ask me to do anything. Even if I'm on vacation."
Then a few minutes later he paused the TiVo to blurt "You work on your PC while we're watching A MOVIE and MAKE me roll it back LIKE MILLION TIMES to see things you missed but then YOU MISS IT AGAIN when I'm ROLLING IT BACK FOR YOU!"
So, that's his complaint. In my defense, I present to you the latest in the car saga, a little tale I like to call The Psycho Motor Fit. As posted recently, Saturday we decided on the Orange Fit. (Or, as Friend #3 calls it: the Grand Mal-nier.)
Tuesday at 11 pm Gary cried suddenly, "I can't believe you are forcing me to buy an orange car! I hate orange!"
I finally choked out, "What. Did. You. Just. Say?"
"We were test-driving the car and we were going to get the red one, then you saw those orange cars on the other parking lot and got all excited about the orange one!"
When I caught my breath I explained that in Reality, I was calmly driving along, HE saw the orange cars, I said, "I can't see what color it is from inside the car, so I don't care." That was in Reality. In Gary's mind there was a more exciting conversation and much louder imaginary conversation, so he listened to that.
By midnight, after a long dog walk and some time apart he decided he'd call Honda to tell them let us look at the orange car before they started to customize it for us. I was very clear. I summarized the conversation. I threatened to email him so there would be a paper trail. It was clear. We had an agreement. He'd call Honda so we could approve the orange.
He called. To tell them forget the orange, "we" wanted them to find us a red one. When he told me this at lunch I began taking notes of everything I said. I considered getting one of those court stenographer machines.
"Let's be clear," I said, "The dealer now has one of those elusive red ones. We can see it next to the orange one tonight."
"Yes. Well. Well, he may not have the red one."
"You just said he has the red one. You said it. Didn't the sales guy tell you that very thing?"
"Yes"
"So where do you get this idea that he might not have the red one?"
"I made it up."
Thud, his chest said with I punched it with my fist.
He's now claiming that my subconscious told him I don't like orange. I allegedly said in my sleep, "I Hate RRrnnngggg" Of course, I make him rewind the TiVo more than once. Obviously I need to try harder to infuriate him.
John and I are together because there is no one out there who could put up with either of us but us. Nice to know we are not alone in that.
Posted by: Zayrina | November 08, 2007 at 11:37 PM
Yeah, what Zayrina said. In fact, I have to wonder for how many couples this is true.
Sometimes we bore ourselves over coffee reading the local singles want ads in the town paper. They are sad, but I recently figured out why: all the people advertising in this area are my age and older, high to late middle age. This means that somehow they did not find or have already lost the one person who could ever put up with each of them, and it shows in how they write their ads. You can feel their longing just to have one person who will not make them pay extra to be themselves.
Fortunately, the local paper also prints the entire police and fire logs. Yay! Those always cheer us up.
Posted by: Sara | November 09, 2007 at 10:14 AM
Oh my sweet holy Jeebus, what goes wrong in your husband's head?! This leads to my bloggity question for you: What are Gary's most redeeming qualities, and what's the nicest thing he's ever done for you?
I don't have the live BNL DVD yet, though I want it. I think it would be really hard to catch the happy energy and randomness that is a BNL show. Not to mention, can you even see them getting pelted with Kraft Dinner? Because if not, you're missing half the fun.
Posted by: Angie | November 09, 2007 at 12:25 PM
Now HOLD ON a second. Just 'cause I said you looked great in your picture does NOT let you off the hook for a more current picture (you opened the door on that one!).
I find your conversations with Gary unsettlingly familiar as I speak to my own Hubs. Gah.
Posted by: sue | November 09, 2007 at 12:29 PM
Zayrina - Who couldnt put up with me?
Sara - Scary words. (About the middle-aged people who are alone. Not about the fires. that was cool.)
Angie - No. "Those in the Know Don't Throw." Have you not seen the big tubs for recycling the Mac and Cheese? Of course, I imagine a soft rain of macaroni would be better than a hard cardboard box. Oh, and I'll have to answer your other question.
Sue - Oh, okay. I'll take an honest photo, since Sara did.
Posted by: TheQueen | November 09, 2007 at 04:18 PM
I recently told my BF, "You know, one of these days you should think about proposing to me..." and he replied, teasing me, "I've been thinking about it, weighing the pros and cons..."
I got all indignant! "CONS!! What do you mean..." as I started to make a mental list of the cons of choosing a life with MY GROSS SELF. Instead I said, "PROS, let's stick to the PROS!"
We had a good laugh over that. Ah, love.
Posted by: styro | November 09, 2007 at 05:07 PM
styro - Gary just came up with a complaint today: "You never repeat things, that's why I say you never said stuff. If you only say it once how am I supposed to hear it? Think about my family, they repeat everything over and over." So, CON: I'm not repetitive.
Posted by: TheQueen | November 11, 2007 at 12:10 AM