Mom was in one of three states all day today:
1. Pain
2. Sociable
3. Hallucinatory
1. Mom in pain is not good, and Mom in pain after five days of hospice is five times worse. In the morning we doubled her pain patch, and after more pain in the evening we switched her breakthrough pain pills to something I hope is more effective.
2. Mom's two best friends visited her today, Sue and Sherri. She loves them both so much. She smiled.
3. Mom freaked us out twice today by asking about long-dead relatives. She asked about her mom in the morning. Gary took me out to dinner and I missed it when she again asked David where her mommy was. "She's dead." Dave said. Mom replied that Delores would pray for her, then she asked where Jimmy was. Delores and Jimmy were Mom's siblings. Delores died when Mom was a teenager. David had completely forgotten about Jimmy, who died of scarlet fever before Mom was even born.
And even more of the same: Again Gary found cake and wine on the porch. Has Caroline struck again?
And more of the same from me: Wishes for strength. Hope for any kind of good news.
Posted by: Vaguely Urban | April 09, 2008 at 12:26 AM
Vaguely - I did not break down today. I choked up a few times, but no hysteria. And some good news: Gary's been campaigning to get Mom a generator to run her bi-pap if the power goes out, and my heart stopped every time I heard thunder. He brought in a car-based battery backup today, and then unexpectedly UNPLUGGED MOMS BI-PAP and plugged it in to the new car thing, "JUST TO TEST IT," and momentarily cut off her breathing. She started coughing. Minutes later, I gave Mom the first dose of her new pain meds. Gary came in, complained Mom wasn't responding well enough, and said, "You've poisoned her." I led him outside to have a calm, civil conversation and after three exchanges he said, "When I said you poisoned her, that had nothing to do with the way I had just almost killed her. In case you suspected that." That was handy since I hadn't made that connection yet. Then we both realized how true it was and laughed. A little.
Posted by: TheQueen | April 09, 2008 at 12:37 AM
I'm very sorry to read about you and your Mum.
Despite it being so desperately sad, I'm heartened read how close you all are - physically and otherwise.
Something you can't put a price on, that.
My best wishes, for what they're worth...
Posted by: jamon | April 09, 2008 at 02:10 AM
My Dad 'talked' to people my Mom and I couldn't see while in hospice. While freaky, it is comforting to think that maybe someone IS waiting on the other side.
Posted by: Kristin | April 09, 2008 at 06:20 AM
Wasn't me this time. You have many, many friends.
Posted by: Caroline | April 09, 2008 at 06:42 AM
I don't mean to alarm you, but hospice patients speaking about/asking about/being visited by dead people is usually a sign that they are getting ready to leave this world. It's usually not a bad thing, and can be very comforting for patients, as though someone is coming to take them to the next life.
(There's a great book called Final Gifts about patients in hospice-- I know your dad was in hospice so you have previous hospice experience but you might find it interesting or comforting now or sometime in the future.)
Anyway-- I don't mean to alarm you, only to try to comfort you that this is normal. I am still thinking of you all daily.
Posted by: yookie (aka tonya) | April 09, 2008 at 10:33 AM
I've been on vacation since late March; so I'm late to offer my support. Sounds like you have a lot of people looking out for you, so I'll just say "Hang in there."
I'm glad you have a support system and you get to spend time with your mom. It's one of the reasons I moved back to St. Louis when I did. I wanted to be able to spend quality time with my parents before they were to a point where our time together wasn't fun. Then I'll be able to be here for them during those times too.
Posted by: Amy in StL | April 09, 2008 at 01:02 PM
Last Christmas break, my grandmother, who had been deteriorating for several years, was in a bad way. I moved a sleeping bag in by her bed so that someone would be there in the middle of the night when she called out for orange juice or the dog or rolled out of bed or whatever. You reminded me of that time yesterday, because she also intermittently got really hot. Anyway, she freaked us out (esp in the middle of the night) when she'd call out to various people like my grandfather (dead 30 years) or become really frightened that spirits were coming to get her - that part was totally spooky. The next day she was fine and the nurse told us that hallucinations were an unsurprising result of something relatively normal and physically-based, like dehydration or kidney stones - I wish I could remember what.
Anyway, she had several months in her after that point. The only reason I'm mentioning it is because having been able to be there for just a little bit made all the difference in the world for ME when I didn't ultimately get back from California in time to say goodbye. So, I'm glad you're able to be there, that's all I'm saying.
Posted by: TasterSpoon | April 09, 2008 at 02:13 PM
Also, because you got me thinking of her, I had a very involved dream with my grandmother last night. Lots of crying, but I was so glad to be with her I didn't want to wake up from it. So, it sounds weird, but thanks for that, truly.
Posted by: TasterSpoon | April 09, 2008 at 02:15 PM
its good to hear that you are able to laugh, even if it is just a little. . .
Posted by: keri | April 09, 2008 at 04:00 PM
Jamon - Thank you for the wishes. It's getting better now that Mom's in less pain.
Kristin - Mom sure is behaving that way. She keeps asking for help "getting out of here."
Caroline - Did Libby do the truffles?
Yookie - ah, we know. The little hospice book we have indicates it will be only a short time, if a week.
AmyinStL - It is nice to be here, and I'm really glad Dave is here so he can see her.
TasterSpoon - several months ... wow. I heard of someone on hospice who then lived another two years.
keri - Everyday we've laughed a little. Balanced by crying a lot.
Posted by: TheQueen | April 09, 2008 at 11:17 PM